I hope everyone has been doing well. I have been struggling inside with bad thoughts of things are never going to change. That I will always be what I am right now. I will never find love, I will never have children, so on and so forth. It is a hard thing to deal with sometimes. Specially at church when you see people 10 years younger than you getting married and having kids.
I know I am in the ward I am suppose to be in but it is hard when you try to talk to people or just say hi. And you get responses or looks that make you feel like a leper or a monster or something. You think, what is wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? It is so frustrating.
I know I need to be more social and get to know people in my ward better but it is hard when you get response like that. I know I need to just let it go and move on. That it likely isn't anything that I did or didn't do. They could be just having a bad day or something. I don't know but when it happened enough times you begin to wonder.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wow It Has Been A Long Time
Sorry I haven't done any posts in a while. I haven't had constistant internet connection. I moved into my Grandparents house May 1st. Then I moved into a house with roommate on August 1st. Then I started house sitting August 16th and have been there since. The family of whom I am house sitting for will be back the week of the 29th.
I signed up with Eastridge Temp Agency in May. I have been on several interviews over the last year and never got a job offer. Eastridge sent me to a business in Boulder City, NV. I don't know how they were open. They were in fear of being shut down. The manager didn't work well with others and wasn't up on the lastest news. They had to deal with a lot fraud. Oh well. Then I had a few weeks off. In July I started at a new place in Henderson. Today they asked me to fill out the paper work to start the highering process. I hope everything goes well.
My Grandmother went into the hospital June 2nd. She was in ICU for 10 days then spent the next 20 days in a Rehabilitation hospital. She finally came home July 3rd. I'm glad I was there for a while when she first came home. My Grandparents really needed my help in the beginning.
I'm still having crazy dreams and sleepless nights. I don't know if they will ever go away. Sometimes I wish I could remember more of them so I could write them down and turn them into a story or something. Other days I'm glad I don't remember them. The last few days I woke up singing church songs in my head. I don't know why but I like it for now.
I was in a family ward, The Silver Springs Ward, Green Valley Stake until August. Now I'm in a singles ward, Red Rock Ward. I don't know what stake it is in. In July I got my Temple Recommand back. At first I was numb at when I went to the Temple. I have been praying a lot and trying to figure things out. I went this week for Sealings with my new ward and was excited I was there again.
I am so happy that I finally have hope again. I lost my hope for the future and for life. Hopefully the new job, the new roommates and everything else will be going well real soon. I doubt I will ever get married or have kids, find love or anything else like that. But I'm not giving up anymore on me or my life.
I signed up with Eastridge Temp Agency in May. I have been on several interviews over the last year and never got a job offer. Eastridge sent me to a business in Boulder City, NV. I don't know how they were open. They were in fear of being shut down. The manager didn't work well with others and wasn't up on the lastest news. They had to deal with a lot fraud. Oh well. Then I had a few weeks off. In July I started at a new place in Henderson. Today they asked me to fill out the paper work to start the highering process. I hope everything goes well.
My Grandmother went into the hospital June 2nd. She was in ICU for 10 days then spent the next 20 days in a Rehabilitation hospital. She finally came home July 3rd. I'm glad I was there for a while when she first came home. My Grandparents really needed my help in the beginning.
I'm still having crazy dreams and sleepless nights. I don't know if they will ever go away. Sometimes I wish I could remember more of them so I could write them down and turn them into a story or something. Other days I'm glad I don't remember them. The last few days I woke up singing church songs in my head. I don't know why but I like it for now.
I was in a family ward, The Silver Springs Ward, Green Valley Stake until August. Now I'm in a singles ward, Red Rock Ward. I don't know what stake it is in. In July I got my Temple Recommand back. At first I was numb at when I went to the Temple. I have been praying a lot and trying to figure things out. I went this week for Sealings with my new ward and was excited I was there again.
I am so happy that I finally have hope again. I lost my hope for the future and for life. Hopefully the new job, the new roommates and everything else will be going well real soon. I doubt I will ever get married or have kids, find love or anything else like that. But I'm not giving up anymore on me or my life.
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