Life

Life is very interesting. The people who come in and out of your life. Friends we make, friends we lose. How our family, friends, co-workers and strangers effect us day to day.

Our families are suppose to love us, be there for us. Many of us have this. Some of us don't. All of our families are different, we are all treated differently by our family members. Many of us have children an significant others in our lives, some of us don't.

Our co-workers effect our lives outside of work. How we are treated, how we respond to them. How we look at others and how we look at ourselves. Many of us spend more time at work than anywhere else in our life, some of us don't.

Our friends are people who are suppose to be there for us, support us, care about us, not family. Some of do have family members who are also your friends but most of us our families are not necessarily our friends. It is hard making new friends and it can be hard keeping old friends.

Now a days people are more are so consumed with themselves that they don't keep in touch anymore. They don't call, they don't write, they don't try anything. This is family and friends. Co-workers and strangers come and in and out of our lives as we try new and different things. As we work at different places. Co-workers and strangers keep in touch only for work and whatever they need from you. I worked at a place that has made me very self-conscious, telling me I need to bite my tongue more. Edit what I say to others. They didn't like my honesty. They didn't get my since of humor also.

I have major issues with trusting people, mainly men. People love to try and hurt me and I get scared. I try to keep in touch with others, sending cards for different holidays etc, and usually I get no response. I feel more alone than ever. I'm tired of making new friends all the time. As I was growing up, every school year I had to make new friends and find new people to hang out with. This lasted while I was in college, but in college people disappeared when they married and jobs in middle school & high school their families, their parents moved them all around.

I like things like facebook.com and myspace.com because I am able to keep in touch with some friends, even if it the information they are putting out there is just for me.

I often wonder if I will ever be happy. I wonder if I will ever trust anyone enough to love them, to marry them. I wonder if I will ever have children. There are days where I want kids and there are days that I don't. There are days I would like a boyfriend, someone I can open up to an tell them what my dreams and hopes are, sometimes I don't.

I got use to doing things on my own. I took up hobbies that are just me and no one else is involved, like sewing, cooking, baking, painting, etc. I like to cook and bake for others but I do it for myself too. I prefer to share the things I make and do with others but I keep it to myself too.

I had a dream a while ago where I was finally happy, husband and a daughter. Then I was in a car accident an hurt badly and I think I died. And all I could think of was, I'm 45 finally have what I want in life and now it is all gone. Then I woke up. This makes me nervous too. Will it happen? Was this just a dream? Was the dream just my fears coming out?

No one knows, only time will tell. I am no different than anyone else out there. We all have fears, worries, concerns, loves, etc. What makes us all different is how we react, how we deal with our problems and our issues.

I only want to see my family and friends happy. I have always been like that. I don't think of myself often as someone who will be happy, someone with wants and needs. I want my family and friends to get what they want out of life. I wish them luck and I pray for them all often. I don't like seeing my family and friends unhappy, sick or in pain. But honestly I really can't do anything for most of them but to be there. Be the shoulder they can cry on, the person they vent too.