One Heck Of A Month

This has been one heck of a month. One month that I do not want to relive. I haven't been really been able to post anything this month because of everything that has going on. So of the things I am not allowed to talk about, at least not yet.

I was able to spend some time with old friends. It was really nice. I was able to be able to spend some time at the La Brea Tar Pits. It was cool. I am glad I was able to do it. I wish I had time to see to go next door to LAMCA. I also wish I had more time to visit with more old friends.

Today the Green Valley Stake had a Relief Society Conference. It was on Temples. They had all of the live past Matrons of the Las Vegas Temple speak today. As well as a Patriarch who also designed and built the Las Vegas Temple. It was a very nice morning. I almost didn't go because I wasn't feeling all that well after the last few weeks. Plus I had a lot of laundry and so forth to do. I am glad that I went.

I am hoping next month will be better. I know I won't have a Valentine again this year. Big shocker, right? Still no job, again, what a shocker. Life is very interesting.

Kenneth Randall Witham

Kenneth Randall Witham

August 9th, 1951 - January 7th, 2009

My father has been known as Randy his whole life. I haven't seen him in 2 years. It was a closed casete service yesterday. After we left I thought I should have burried him with a scratcher and / or a lotto ticket. This week, I was realizing how much me and my siblings really are like my father. Both in good ways and in bad ways. It is weird to see how different and like we are from our family members.

My father was a well liked man. He had many friends and many family members. Many of them I don't know. I have often felt left out. My father kept many things to himself. Which is one of the things I got on him about. He wanted to know everything going on in my life but really wouldn't tell me anything about his.

Cleaning his apartment and storage unit was exhausting. It was also surreal. I keep thinking he was going to walk around the corner ans ask us 'What are you doing?' or call me and say 'What's going on?'

If you would lke to leave my father a note, you are welcome to do so on this link:

http://www.legacy.com/PE//gb/guestbookview.aspx?personid=122786783&eid=viewgb_11409

Thank you everyone for your help, love, prayers and concerns to me and my family during our this time in our life.

My Last Post

My last post was about my father who pasted away this week. We still don't know why or how. I wrote my last post while I was on Ambient. I don't remember what I wrote but I am also not going to go back over it. I am going to leave it as is.

Thank you for your concerns and well wishes everyone has been sending to me and my family. It means a lot to us.

My Father

For those of you who don't know. I have been struggling with my father my whole life. We never saw eye to eye. He wasn't the best person in the world either. He did do good things for others. Specially his friends, his parents and strangers. Now matter what he did do or did not do he was still my father.

He named me. He did his best with trying to raise me. I'm not always the easiest to get along with but who is anymore.

I am having a hard time today. I have been having a hard time the last 2 days. Feeling unsure of myself. Not knowing where I belong. Not knowing what to do with my life. Was my life really worth anything to anyone.

Then this evening. I found out that my father pasted away. He hadn't talked to his girlfriend in 3 days. So Cathy (his girlfriend) and her daughter Candy and I believe another person. Broke into his home. Once in Candy went in first and found my father. He was died.

The corner in Blythe, CA is an old family friend. My brother is listed as the next of kin. My brother is on his way to Blythe, to figure out what to do next. He is likely going to be buried in Loma Linda, CA with some other family members. He was born in the Loma Linda Hospital.

I am happy I was able to talk to my father the weekend before Christmas. Other than that time I don't know when the last time it was I spoke to him. He told me he was getting his life back together. He has been going to church (all 3 hours, yes he was LDS) for the last 8 months. He was going to meet with the Bishop that Sunday and get everything together to be able to go to the Temple again. I was shocked and happy for him. He has our issues but I still only wanted good things for him.

My brother has the duty with Cathy to go through his things and clear out the apartment. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should go and help or stay here an wait for instructions from my brother. They have to find his will. I know he had one because when I was 18 he told me about it. He told me I was the executor. I told my brother this. I don't know if he changed it since then or not but I will more than likely asked to give that job to my brother. My brother is a CPA and better with all of the paper work than I could ever be.

His body is going to Indio, CA to be autopsy to find out what happened and what day he died. Did he have a heart attack and been on the floor for 2 days praying for help that can too late. Or what. I don't think he would have done this to himself. He has done some pretty bad things in his life. I honestly think he wouldn't purposely give up on him self. He would get mad, yell and get things to go his way.I honestly believe he was coming to peace with himself and the things he did.

But none of us will ever really know the truth. My next month or so will be sitting by the phone, looking for work, finding out what to do with my family and my father's life. Likely having to go to counseling and learn how to deal with it all. I have the need to clean his apartment. He always wanted everything spotless. No matter how much hard work or time it took to do it.

I loved my father and was trying to be kind and courteous to him. But at the same time keep my distantance from his insanity. I feel hurt and lost. I know he is in a better place in life. He was blessed through out his whole life.

Honestly, when I got the call today. I thought my brother said Grandpa died. I made him repeat himself and he said our dad died. I was in the middle of Walmart, getting things together for the trip I was talking for James. I was playing nurse for 10 day later this month.

Now what do I do? Where do I go?

I will say I am exteremly thankful for the Loveridge's being in my life, all 30+ of them in my life.

I am very thankful for all of my friends. The phone calls I have been receiving as well as the Facebook messages. This is one time though I wish I had a boyfriend whose shoulder I can cry on. But that is what my pillow will have to do for me.

I will let you all know more when I do. We have to wait for the body to be release before we can schedule the funeral.

New Years Resolutions

What is in a New Year's Resolution? Is it really a goal for the new year? If you really want to change something about yourself, do you really need the new year to do this? Everyone wants to New Year to be better than the last. Everyone wants their goals, dreams and wishes to come true.

If you want something in life, only you can get it for yourself. You can't depend on someone else to make you happy. You can't except someone else to know what you are thinking. No one can be in your head but yourself. If you want someone else to help you, you have to say so. You have to tell them what you are thinking and what you want in life.

There is no need for resolutions just get organized. Write down what you want. Open up and talk to others to figure out how you will meet your goals. Remember small steps first. Several small steps will get you to the big goal. Don't forget to reward yourself for sticking with the plan every now and then. Don't reward yourself so much that you lose your sight on what you really want.

Enjoy life, have fun, work hard and relax. You can't control everything, you can't do everything. Love and determination will get you everywhere in life.