Again the Latest

So I have been really sick the last few days. My lymphoid are swollen really bad again. I think I have a sinus infection. I can't breath and my back is sore. My leg muscles are sore and I keep getting headaches. I got a call from the doctor's office yesterday and my liver levels are elevated (whatever that means), so I had to take more blood tests. I changed my doctor's appointment from next week to this Friday at 11:30 AM. You can call me that evening if you wan to find out what is going on or I will post something as soon as I know something. I will like have to go to a Ears, Nose and Throat Dr because I have more lumps on my thyroid. I don't know what the blood test means but I will find out. And hopefully get rid of this sinus infection.

The Hammer

I saw the movie The Hammer about 2 weeks back. It was so funny. I would suggest everyone to see it. I laughed so hard. It was such a great movie. I can't wait till it comes out on DVD. There was no sex scenes, no cursing (maybe one f bomb). It was such a great story.

There is one scene where the main character was jump roping and had on head phones & a fanny pack. He was jump roping to the music, trying to impress this woman (who couldn't hear the music). It was really, really funny.

If you can, go see it. I really, really mean this. You won't regret it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0814130/

The Latest

I had my ultrasound yesterday. I have more lumps on my thyroid. My next doctor's appointment is on May 8th. I will let you know what is going on after that. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers and in your hearts.

Ok

Comments are always welcome to whatever I say. I use this blog mainly as a way to vent. You are always welcome to call me or e-mail me.



My ultrasound if Monday at 8 AM. I still haven't heard from the doctor's office. So no news is good news right now.



Still having issues with work. I have updated my resume on moster.com and will check out other sites this week.



I have been feeling a little down and alone like my world is ending. Like everything is going wrong. I know there are people out there who love me. I know I have friends. But I am afraid to open up to people, I am afraid they are going to think I am crazy or mean or rude. I want to disappear to never be seen again. But I know that won't help. You can't run away from your problems. You can't become someone else and you can't change your family. I want someone that I can trust and open up to that will hold me in their arms and listen and tell me everything will be ok. It dosen't matter if everything will be ok or not, just that they are there.

I don't need someone to solve my issues for me. They can guide me, give me suggestions, but really it is something I have to do on my own. I know from church they say that the Lord will not give you more than you can handle. I don't know if I believe that anymore. Too much at one time makes you do and say crazy and dumb things. Makes you think about doing things you wouldn't have thought about doing before.

As for the people in my life who think I am on drugs and/or just crazy, think what you want. I know the truth and I wish you would trust me and be more supportive. I do everything I can for you. Can you give me the same respect. There are reasons why I left home and have never gone back. Think about that and they way you treat me and everything I put up with from you. Maybe ask another family member if you can't figure it out on your own. Maybe something has been said to you in the past but you just ignored it.

This not meant to tell people to leave me alone. I am trying to say, I feel alone right now. Good luck in life, I know I need it.

My Dating Rules

This are my personal rules, rules I live by.



1. No Co-workers (although right now I am breaking this rule because I'm not meeting anyone else)

2. No Married Men (this includes men who live with their girlfriends or have girlfriends).

3. No Men who cheat (I don't put up with this behavior and once a cheater always a cheater).

4. No Men who hit, grap or 'Man handle' me in any other way (no excuses).

5. I prefer men who are my height or taller than me.

6. A man I can talk to (they have to be able to carry on a conversation).

7. A man with manners.

8. No Men who are separted from their wife or going through a divorce (they can always get back together). They need to have the divorce finalized to date but I we can be friends until then.

9. A man who is open and honest with me.

10. A man who has goals.

11. A man who enjoys what he does for a living (or working towards that).

12. A man who is patient with me.

13. A man who wants kids (one day) and likes children.

14. A man who wants to get married (one day, not right now at least not in the beginning of the relationship).

15. I prefer a man who gives me flowers (but not necessary, I can always get them for myself).

16. A man with a driver's license.

17. A man with a job.

I know there are a lot of rules but there is always an exception to the rule. I will give almost any man a chance if they have the guts to ask me out. And if I give you my phone number it means I am giving you a chance. So call, just don't take my number and never call or ignore me.

Also, if you do get the guts to ask me out, please talk to me. If you don't I think you are not interested in me anymore and I will move on.

So

So I have been feeling very lonely lately. Then I find out that I guy I was talking to (going to date) died. Then I find out another guy I was talking to has decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. I am giving up on men and ever finding a good one. I will be an old maid. Now I just need a bunch of cats.

I am having issues with my car (as per previous post).

I am having issues with my health again. I have an ultra sound next week on my thyroid.

I am having issues with work.

I am having issues with my family.

I still am having sleeping issues.

I am stresses out trying to figure out how I am going to get everything done and back together. I have so many knots in my back, it will take forever to get them out. I am almost done with life.

If anything else happens, I am done. I am giving up and moving on. If I have to quit my job and become homeless, I will do so.

I have been praying but I don't feel better. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know its there but I can't see it.

All I want to do is crawl into a hole and disappear forever.

And by the way, I am not doing drugs and I am not crazy. But you never know, I can always start tomorrow.

Just My Luck

So as per my last blog you all know that I have health issues. Now my car was stolen yesterday. This is not something I want to talk about. Yes, I called the police. My insurance does not cover stolen cars so I have to wait to see what the police find. I am getting a rental today. I have to see what my loan people say. I will likely have to get a junker (something that gets me around town) until everything is paid off (another few years). Which I am not looking forward to.

I am feeling down about everything going on all at the same time. My sister Melissa is have a lot of issues at work and is very stressed out right now. Then my sister Allison, her toddler son killed her phone last night. My Grandfather had surgery on Tuesday and is hopefully coming home today. Then my Uncle has surgery today (I don't know how he is yet).

Everything will work out in the end. I am trying to be positive.

So the Lastest

Hi Everyone,

I went to the doctor's today. I have gained 30 pounds in 2 months, my blood pressure is off and I have pain in around my stomach. I have also been tired for 2 months and haven't slept for 2 months. Now my muscles are sore. So I have a bunch of blood drawn (8 tubes) and I have to have an ultrasound of my thyroid again. My doctor is worries, he tested my blood pressure himself 3 times (not including the 1 time the nurse did it). I have to see him again in 3 weeks, unless I hear from him sooner. I am a little scared. It's not normal to gain that kind of weight. Clothes that fit me in December and January don't. A lot of them I can't button up or slip on. Most of the weight is in my stomach area. Oh well, right.

Keep me in your prayers please. Hopefully the doctor's will figure out what is going on with me.

Thanks

My Tattoo Rules

1. No faces
2. No Names
3. No bodies (ie pin ups, etc)
4. Must be in a place that I can cover with clothing
5. Must be something I can live with
6. No Tramp Stamp
7. No Private Parts and/or Underarms
8. I understand that in 5 - 10 years I may need to go in and get a touch up
9. I understand that not everyone like tattoos but this is for me not them.
10. All tattoos must mean something to me.
11. I will allow my kids (if I ever have any) to have tattoos once they are 18
12. No images that are evil or be seen as evil (ie demons, the devil, etc)
13. No tattoos that have to do with death, if I want to memorialize someone it will be done differently (ie bear for my brother Ken, Monkey for my sister Allison)
14. I understand that when I get the tattoo, it will hurt, some areas hurt more than others.
15. Tattoos are not addictive, they are like pieces of art, just the canvas is your body.
16. Share your tattoo artist with others (they love it), specially if the work is really good.
17. I understand people will ask questions, be open and honest about it.
18. Always have someone with you (so you can hold their hand during the really painful parts).
19. Don't go under the influence of anything (drugs, liquor, etc), this will cause infection and may make it more painful. And you may regret your decision when you sober up.
20. Keep the wrap on 3 - 4 hours, wash with anti-bacterial soap. Pat dry with a clean towel. When dry apply A&D ointment (yes baby rash ointment) for 2 days (only) (PS I used neoprene ointment at night, right before I went to bed for the first 3 days). Then apply lotion with no fragrance until it feels healed. This will cut down on scabbing. After 2 days, some of the ink may whip off, this is normal, Do NOT Rub it off, let is come off naturally.

Any questions?

Ok

Well last Friday was a bad day for me. A lot of things all at once. I haven't been feeling well, it seems my allergies are trying to kill me. Plus I haven't slept the last 2 weeks which has effected the rest of my life. I did get some sleep this weekend at my grandparents house. Then on Sunday morning my Grandfather's best friend past away, so I have to deal with telling him. I wasn't able to get a hold of him but I was able to get ahold of my mother who ended up telling him.

I had a manicure and a pedicure on Saturday so that helpped me relax a little. Plus the sleep I got this weekend helpped.

My next move it to get a kitty.

I am also trying to learn to let go. The little things of people not following through and being 'do as I say and not as I do' are driving me nuts. So I am trying to let go instead of being in a bad mood with others.