I Don't Know . . .

I don't know what to do with my life. Should I move to Utah where there is work? Should I move to Bakerfield's where there is work? Can I afford rent in either area? Do I know anyone in either areas? What about my family and the holiday's? What do I do? Can I make a decision? What do I want out of my life? Should I start internet dating? Will I get unemployment? Will I get a new job? If so, when and where? Will I ever be able to trust a man and get a boyfriend? Should I go back to church? Should I start wearing my garments again? Will anyone love me? Will I ever be happy? The things I enjoyed in the past, will I be able to enjoy again?

I pray all the time. I went to church last Sunday and likely again next Sunday. But do I want to be a 'good girl' again? Do I want to wear my garments again? Do I want to stop drinking? Do I want to pay tithing again? Do I want to not wear my earrings (I have 4 piercing in each ear)? Will I ever be able to over come my dyslexia and become a writer? Will I ever be able to be my own boss? Will I ever be a fashion designer? Will I be able to find work where I can use my education?

So many things going on in my head all at once. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know where to start and what thoughts I should I put to the side? It's heard to listen to what other people have to say. What they think you should do and not do with your life. I know everyone has good intentions. They just want to help. They just want to be good people too. They just want to be appreciated as people too. Just like I do. I want someone to admire me. Call me smart, understand or at least get my thoughts and actions.