What's Up?

I am so frustrated with my life. No job, no boyfriend, no kids, no pets, nothing to keep me entertained. I apply for jobs all day long and clean all day long. I feel so alone. I feel left behind. I feel like a major loser with nothing to do and no where to go. I have started grinding my teeth in my sleep again. I hate the weight I am at. I am the biggest I have ever been because of damm drugs again. I want to stop all the drugs I am on but I don't know how my body is going to respond to that.

I need to feel loved, feel cared for. Like someone is actually worried about me and the things I am going through. I know my family loves me. I know I have friends who care for me. But I come from a family who isn't nice to you unless they want something from you. Who doesn't talk to you unless they want something. And people forget about you because they don't need anything from you or just don't see you around any more.

I have a very hard time trusting people because of the way I was raised. Because of the way people act or react, I think everything is fishy. I over think and over analyse everything, everyone including myself. And a lot of the time I don't know what to do. Because I don't trust people I think people don't trust me.

I also say a lot of things that may hurt people's feelings. I don't say it because I want to hurt people's feelings. I just say what I am thinking and don't always think ahead. I also think if its the truth what's the issue. Also a lot of people don't get my humor, when I am trying to be funny, I am not trying to hurt feelings or freak people out.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am any more. I don't know where to go or what to do. None of my many hobbies are entertaining me right now. I start them and stop them shortly there after because all I can think about is cleaning and finding a job. There are not enough hours in the day to please everyone.